On motherhood
I picked up this book today called, “the Mommy Myth.” I’ve already devoured almost 50 pages of it! It’s really good, and it kind of confirms some of the reasons I’ve had for not having kids. Reasons I didn’t even really understand until now.
The book’s subtitle is, “The Idealization of motherhood and how it has undermined women.” I think this kind of sums it all up for me (subtitles have a way of doing that.) Idealize is the operative word there. There is this perception of motherhood out there. That a woman has to be the image of the perfect mother. And not only do they have to be the perfect mother, they also have to work full time (because how else are we to survive with a child in this economy?), look and be sexy (thin, in other words), cook, clean and generally look after the house, AND be the perfect wife. That is too much fucking pressure. I can barely keep my house clean, let alone take care of another human life. Why would I want to add the stress of a child into the chaos? Working full time is stressful enough, adding a child into that mix is absolutely insane! At least in my mind.
But there has always been this pressure from all around me to have kids. Pressure from my family and from the general culture. For example, Jennifer Aniston is a month older than me and, OMG she doesn’t have a baby! She didn’t have a baby with Brad Pit! That poor barren woman! Why hasn’t she had a baby yet? Is that a baby bump I see? Is she having a baby with John Mayer? (the fact that we even care about this shit is a whole other rant)
Such bullshit.
Would it be so horrible if she decided not to have kids? Why do we think she needs to have a child?
Why is it so important for women in our society to have children?
This book seems to ask the same questions and it talks about the way the media has idealized motherhood through the years. I’m finding it fascinating. The first part of the book gives a brief history of the Feminist movement in the 70s and how during that decade, briefly, the media embraced Feminism. I am realizing that, as a child of the 70s, this must have somehow shaped me. I am definitely a feminist and I have feminist attitudes, though I have never formally or informally studied feminist theory, ever. It must have sunk in, though.
I’ll give a more thorough review when I have finished the book. These are just some preliminary thoughts on it. Definitely enjoying the read so far!
March 28th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
I also have 0 plans to have kids, and I realize I’m pretty lucky to not have constant pressures and questions of why I haven’t yet.
It always shocks me when one of my friends announces they’re pregnant or are trying to be. My furbabies are all I need.
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March 28th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
thanks for sharing this. my MIL interrogated my husband this past week about “why don’t you all have children”, among other things. not everyone can or should have children. please let those of us who’ve decided to not have children some peace!
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March 28th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
As you know, I am a mom, and a full-time professional, and a home owner, and a wife. It really is very hard to balance those things with any semblance of a personal life or with exercise, etc. It takes a lot of work to do all of those things at once. I agree that the media and our culture idealizes it all, especially for young women who haven’t been shown a way to create an identity of their own or been given guidance to seek higher education, etc. I’ll be glad to hear more about the book when you’re done.
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March 29th, 2009 at 6:07 am
I have always been in awe of women who can be mothers and work full time. My mom was one of them. She had 4 kids and also became a single mom. I don’t know how she did it! We were little brats, too.
A part of my wishes I was this kind of woman because I love kids. But I just know who I am and what I can and can’t handle. The stress of raising a child would be too much for me, I think.
March 29th, 2009 at 8:45 am
Wow! I’m really interested in reading this book now! I’ll have to look for it. We’ve been talking about possibly adopting from the foster care system in the future. There are so many reasons that I think might be a good choice for us, but the side effect has been that my biological clock has stopped ticking. I don’t feel that pressure anymore – and that is huge. That is some crushing pressure.
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